Day 199

To be honest with you, today was another one of those days. I tried to make it different, but it just didn't work. The boys were being rude when I came down to get their breakfasts, and I was at a loss. Josh looked at me and said "What, are you tired again?" Even though I was, I chose to answer in a different way...because my mood wasn't that I was tired, it was their attitudes that were wearing me out. I said "No, I'm not, I'm sick of the way you guys treat me. It's as if you're going backwards". I explained that no one was currently winning the star chart, because so far this week, no one has been behaving. I could tell that he was upset about that, but that he was taking the information in, and so I continued. It didn't matter to me if it would make a difference with the other 2, I just hoped he was really picking up on it. I told him Zach's been talking back, Nathaniel's been cheeky, and he has been budding into everyone's business. I went on to say how much better they were getting just a few weeks ago, and now it's like we're back to square one. He sat in silence.

We got his and Nathaniel's homework done, while Zach sat on my lap and drew with me. That was nice. We got ready to walk to school, Josh got everyone's coats for me, and out we went. Zach asked if we were taking the car. I can no longer stand that question! I told him we weren't, and sulkingly, but quickly, he took my hand and we crossed the street. We stopped to examine a giant snail, and even took a picture. To my surprise, as the boys all walked briskly, we still had time to walk the long way around to the school. Josh had left, but came running back looking like he was going to cry. He told me that although he didn't think he had guitar today, he had just remembered missing a class, and that meant he'd have to make it up at lunch. I told him not to worry and that I would drop his guitar at the office for him. I somehow managed to keep him from crying, told him not to worry, and off he went. Things with them were looking up. Once they all went into their classes, I headed down the path. When I glanced a little further, I saw that the trail was covered in huge puddles, and so I turned around to walk the long way.

When I got back, I put the guitar at the door, grabbed my things, and asked Heloise if she wanted to come into Chelmsford with me, as I was going on a hunt for this sweater my brother wanted. She said she couldn't because she had to write. I loaded up the car, told her I'd pick some things up for her, and I left. At the high street, I was in the lane to turn right, and had my signal on as well. I remembered Chelmsford was the opposite direction, and wondered what I was doing. I turned left. It wasn't until I was stuck in traffic heading to Chelmsford, that I looked to my left and remembered Josh's guitar was sitting next to me. Crap! I turned off as soon as I could, and drove back to the school. I ran it into the office, and once again, headed to Chelmsford.

When I arrived, the first store I headed to was Debenhams. I had to find it...but when I did, I knew what I was looking for. I searched the entire Ben Sherman section for this sweater my brother wanted, and I couldn't find it! I went around the same racks a number of times, and eventually decided to give up. As I was walking out of that section, I happened to look across at a rack in a completely different brands section, and there it was! First one on the rack! I walked over to it, and there were about 7 hanging there. I found the right size, and very happy with myself, walked to the cash to pay. With that crossed off my list of things to do, I headed to Monsoon - a store that's not my type at all - and I picked up the cutest little dress for Heloise to give to her niece. I checked a couple of shoe stores for some shoes she had been looking at for her nephew the other day, and when I couldn't find them, I left Chelmsford.

Earlier in the day, I had received a text from someone asking if I wanted to go to Freeport, and they said they'd be ready at 11. I told them I was in Chelmsford but if they wanted to go after 1, that would be fine. By the time I left Chelmsford, I still hadn't heard back, and so I drove to Freeport on my own. I was in a crappy mood, and needed a smile, so I had told myself I wouldn't get a Starbucks at Chelmsford, I'd get one at Freeport - Braintree. As I parked the car, I looked at my phone and there was a text from the person saying 1 would be perfect. I wasn't sure what to do. I debated just driving back to the house, but then thought of what a waste of gas that would be, plus I had some things I wanted to get done. I got out of the car, and walked into Starbucks to order my drink. I didn't get my smile. He wasn't there :( But I got my drink, and sat down to write a letter. As soon as I finished that, I walked back to the car, finishing my drink on the way, and had to drive back to pick this person up.

When I arrived back at the house, I walked in to see Heloise completely bundled up and frozen, on the couch, watching "27 Dresses". I asked if she was just taking a little break, or did she want to come to Freeport with us. She said she had to work, and then was going to the boys school to go on a Safety Walk with Zach's class. She then told me not to worry about being back at a certain time, because she'd already be at the school, and would therefore be picking the boys up. I sent a text asking the person if they were ready to go. They told me they were just brushing their teeth. A little while later, the doorbell rang. I answered it, and we went to Braintree.

Our first stop was the Cadbury shop. I had some chocolate to get for Heloise to give to the boys on Easter, and I wanted to pick up an egg for each of them as well. Plus I needed dark chocolate as I ran out a few days ago. I bought everything, and the two of us headed to Starbucks. I prayed the ladies wouldn't say anything about me being there earlier, and luckily, they didn't. This person bought my soy caramel hot chocolate (which was effing delicious by the way) for me, and we sat down to enjoy our drinks. He still wasn't there :( Midway through our conversation, I envisioned myself flying across the table and hurting this person, as they bad mouthed my sister for not doing a 30 hour drive in 2 days to see me. They really made me angry. Once we got past that topic, I found myself bored, and envisioned pulling my hair out. I was not happy due to the prior conversation, and I just wanted to get out of there. At 2:30 by my cell phone (which is 5 minutes fast), I mentioned it was time to go. We stood up to leave, and on our way out, the person asked if we had time to run into a store. Although every part of me wanted to say no, I said yes, and we walked in. They picked something up, paid for it, and we were on our way again. The drive home wasn't too bad...but I still didn't want to be around this person. They were talking about getting together again...I can't see it happening. I stopped at the co-op to get some raisins, and then drove back. I couldn't get here soon enough.

When we got back, this person went on there way, and I came into the house. It was empty as Heloise had already left for the school. I had some raisins, and a yogurt and watched the Apprentice. Nathaniel, Zach and Heloise came home, and Nathaniel got ready for Beavers. While he was eating, Zach and I were watching Spiderman, and Heloise had to run out. While she was gone, all hell broke loose in the kitchen. I had asked Nathaniel to bring his plate out when he was full, and when I walked in, he was pouring pasta into the sink. I had a feeling he was doing this, and managed to walk in just in time to stop him before the whole dish was emptied. I made sure he knew what he was doing wrong, and asked him to pick up the pasta he had put in the sink, and switch it to the garbage. He then proceeded to have a hissy fit about wet pasta. He started crying and was yelling that he wasn't doing it, it was disgusting. I asked him why he was crying and told him how ridiculous it was. He kept saying how disgusting it was, and my response was "If it's so disgusting, why should Mummy or I have to do it? How is that fair?" He didn't have an answer. I asked him how old he was, and that's when Zach started picking the pasta up, telling Nathaniel he was almost 8! I was happy Zach said it, and thanked him, but asked him to put the pasta down, it was Nathaniel's mess to clean up. He stood there crying as loud as possible, and I knew Heloise would be home any minute and after being yelled at for being ridiculous, he would get his way. I simply turned to him, and said "You know if mummy was here, she would be yelling at you for being so ridiculous. If you aren't going to do it because it's SO disgusting, pick up a fork, and use that!" He did. But not without complaining. He started putting it in the garbage can, when he dropped some and started throwing another wobbly as it landed on the floor, and got all over the can. Heloise walked in and called the boys to the door, as they all had to go to Beavers. He complained that he didn't have time to clean it up. I told him it was because he spent 10 minutes fussing about something so silly, and told him to go, while I ended up picking it up off the floor and cleaning up.

I sat down again to talk to people on MSN, and then I set the table. I watched some TV, and after they got home from Beavers, I helped Nathaniel get into his rugby kit. Once he was gone, Heloise, Zach and I sat down to eat. It was then that Zach really upset me. He said "Maija, why don't you help us do anything?" "Excuse me?" I said. Heloise continued eating. He repeated himself. I said I did. Heloise asked what he meant, what types of things. His answer was "Well like you make us bring our plates into the kitchen when we're done". I said "Yes, I'm trying to teach you that there are things you should be able to do for yourself". He explained to Heloise that I make them do it every morning when I come down for breakfast. She didn't say anything. He then threw a bit of a tantrum saying he didn't want to do it. He kept repeating himself and saying he didn't want to do it now. Heloise told him he wasn't doing it now, right now he was eating, and for some reason that was the end of the conversation. It wasn't however, over in my mind.

After dinner he mentioned that he wanted me to help him make a lego Indiana Jones, while Heloise ran the bath. I told him I didn't think I could, because I don't help him with things. Heloise heard and just sort of laughed. He asked again, and again, and again. I told him I had to put pictures on his flash drive for school before I forgot. When I finished that, I was hoping that it would be time for him to go up. It wasn't. I came upstairs to get my 3 pcs of chocolate, and he was calling me from the stairs. I told him I'd be down in a minute. Had Heloise of been out, I would have stuck to my guns and said the thing about me not helping him again. But I didn't. I went downstairs, and to the cupboard. I got the lego out, and told him it would have to wait til tomorrow as it was way too big to finish before bath time. He began throwing a tantrum. I told him to stop, and listen. I repeated myself saying that it was too big, and we would work on it tomorrow. He said he just wanted to do some of it, and I said no. He threw himself on the floor, and started "crying" and yelling. I told him to listen to me, and he continued. I said fine, we won't do it tomorrow either. Which got him even angrier. I told him if he wasn't going to listen to me, I couldn't talk to him, and I left the room, him still on the ground. I came upstairs, gave Heloise all of the easter chocolate, told her he was on the ground upset with me, said good night, jumped in the shower and came online to speak to my Mom. Now I'm going to speak with her a little more, and then go to sleep. Good Night xx

Day 198

Some days you get out of bed, and you just know that what's to come...is not going to be good. Today, was one of those days for me.

When my alarm went off at 6:30, I was sure it had already been off once. I listened for voices to make sure no one was downstairs yet, guessed I was wrong, and reset my alarm for 15 more minutes of sanity. Once that was up, I got out of bed, and was getting ready when I could feel that I wasn't in the best of moods.

I went downstairs and got the boys breakfast. They were rude right away, and that did not help my mood. I could feel myself getting angry, which made me even angrier cuz I hate the way I act when I'm angry. - If that's not a predicament, I don't know what is. -

Once the boys were all fed, I sat down to eat my breakfast, and drink my tea. The boys and I did homework, and Nathaniel aggravated me with a balloon. I asked him not to play with it in the house (because they always end up hitting this one chandelier and get in trouble), and as soon as Heloise came down, he asked her if he could. I was furious! I stuck to my guns and said "If I just told you you couldn't, why would you turn around and ask your mom?" Luckily she backed me up. Unfortunately Josh was backing Nathaniel up which was just putting me in a worse mood.

When they were all ready to go, the 4 of us headed out the door. Now, because Nathaniel constantly loses things, we had to check the Beast for his drink cup. It wasn't there, so I closed the door and locked the car. Things were about to get worse. Zach began his daily ritual of winging. He of course, didn't want to walk. He was 10 feet behind us as usual, moaning away, and I had to keep stopping to tell him to walk in front so I could see him. When we got to the 2nd path, he wanted to walk the long way. As I do every day, I explained that because he takes so long from the house through the first path, we never have time to walk the long way. We then heard more moaning from him as we continued through the 2nd path, and to school. By this time it was raining quite a bit, so Nathaniel and Josh got to go in right away. Zach's class didn't, so we stood...and we waited. When they finally opened the doors to his classroom, and I saw him go through, I headed back to the house.

I knew I had some time, so I came up to get my computer, and wrote some long overdue e-mails. Heloise (who has a study week), went next door for coffee, and I began catching up on TV. When she got back, the two of us went into Colchester. We went into the banks quickly before an appointment she had, and when she went off to that, I went looking for a birthday card. I came out with about 7 different cards. Guess I won't need to buy some again for a while. I then went over to Debenhams to try and find a sweater for my brother. They didn't have it. I walked swiftly to HMV, ignored the bum that said hi to me, by pretending I was just too focused on the text I was sending to hear him, and walked into the store to get what I wanted. "2012" is finally out here! On my way to the cash, I found some Twilight socks. Any of you that know me, know that #1 it's hard for me to turn down socks of any funky kind...and #2 I love Twilight. I had to buy them! And so I did. I met up with Heloise in Starbucks, and we got out drinks. We sat outside as it had finally stopped raining, and wasn't too cold out. I drank mine and immediately felt sick. I didn't tell Heloise, in hopes that it would just pass. I wasn't feeling right at all when we got up to do some more shopping. We went to the 2nd floor of the Gap and I was feeling terrible. I was super hot and wasn't sure I was going to be able to remain standing for much longer, or hold in my breakfast. It was not a nice feeling at all. I was right though, that feeling eventually passed. We finished looking around the stores though, and when we got in the car, it took everything in me to keep my eyes open. In fact when Heloise ran into the post office, I closed them for a little while.

We arrived home, I wrote some cards and caught up on Amazing Race. It was my plan to go to the movies with Toni to see "Bounty Hunter", so when my Uncle called to see if we wanted pizza, I said no. Just before I was about to get ready to go out, Toni text me saying she was sorry but she really wasn't feeling well and didn't think she should go. Damn. No popcorn dinner for me :( I told Heloise, and asked if there was a pizza shop around that would deliver. She told me she wasn't sure, but that she thought there would be plenty anyway.

Not long after, my Aunt and Uncle arrived with the boys and the pizza. There was definitely enough, and after eating the same amount I would have at home, I feel terrible :( I should have stopped at 2 slices. I got so full so fast. I was then almost asleep on the table. I waited until everyone was finished, and I helped clear up. But the second that was all done, I apologized for being so rude and explained how tired I was. I had to come upstairs. I jumped in the shower, quickly as I could, I finished typing this, I'm going to check my Facebook, and then I'll be asleep in the blink of an eye. Good Night xx

Oh and did I mention - I was so cold earlier, I had 2 hoodies on! How crazy is that?

Day 197

Mmm Green Tea.

Today has been a good day...considering I thought I'd feel my worst. I woke up, got ready and came downstairs. Tim left early, so I did breakfast for the boys. When I finally sat down, I finished my breakfast and tea, and then did homework with them. Heloise had her study day, and she really wanted to get some work done this morning, so I walked the boys up to school, in pretty good time, and once I dropped them off, I spoke to Steve, and then Tina and I went to Freeport for coffee, and to do some shopping.

When we arrived, all of the stores were closed. So we headed straight to Starbucks :D We ordered our drinks, and then sat down. Starbucks guy wasn't there, so I couldn't point him out to Tina. It was just as we were finishing our drinks, that a smile suddenly came across my face. He had walked in, and I couldn't finish my sentence. I couldn't even think. I can only imagine how giddy I looked when I turned to Tina and went "THERE HE IS!" She looked over instantly and basically told me she approved. She also said that I needed to ask him to meet up sometime. I have yet to do that, as I'm a chicken. We sat there quite a while after finishing our drinks, just talking, and eventually left to go shopping.

The two of us bought a top each, and then went to try some other things on at different stores. Tina got another top, and I bought a chain for a pendant my Dad brought over for me. Once we were done looking around, Tina dropped me back off at the house. Heloise and I talked a bit, and then I grabbed my laptop, and began to catch up on some TV. I now know who got kicked off of American Idol, and am caught up on Desperate Housewives. I just have yesterday's episode to watch now. I also watched Grey's Anatomy, so all in all, I was pretty productive.

I got to speak to my Mom for quite a while on Skype, and I also booked my flight from Calgary to Vancouver. I CAN'T WAIT! I then ate my dinner, almost went up to bed, and then remembered Glee was on. I've since been sitting on the couch watching How I Met Your Mother and Friends. Now Glee is on, so I have to go pay attention :p Good Night xx

Day 196

It's 7:15, and I'm in bed. I'm looking forward to catching up on some sleep tonight. I've been yawning pretty much all day, and my eyes are itchy and sleepy.

There was a knock at my door this morning. My first instinct was WHYYYYYY!!!!!!! It's so early! But soon after, I realized it was my Dad, and that made it ok. Haha...that's terrible. Anyway, I got up and ready, and at 8 o'clock, my Uncle came to pick us up. We dreadfully, headed to the airport. I couldn't keep my eyes open in the car, but I also couldn't really fall asleep. I was asleep at certain points, but could still hear the conversation in the car, so I guess it just wasn't a deep sleep. I was in too much pain between my neck and my shoulder for that.

We got to the airport in plenty of time, but the terminal was packed, so my Uncle dropped my Dad and I before he went to park. We got my Dad all checked in, and then met up with my Uncle for a coffee. I could hardly sit there with a straight face. Tears kept filling my eyes. When it was time for me to say goodbye, I found it very hard. Even though I know I'll see him 2 weeks from today, I wanted to be getting on the plane with him. I told him I didn't want to stay here. I said it, even though I knew very well that there was nothing either of us could do about that. I know that's not fair, but I had to get it out. He went through security, and tears streamed down my cheek. I decided I should suck it up, as my Uncle was standing there, and I figured he probably wouldn't know how to handle a young lady who was crying uncontrollably. We walked to the car, and I got in while he went to pay. On the way home, I was texting with Toni and my Uncle and I had a few good conversations. When we got back, no one else was home. My Uncle came in for a tea, and waited for my cousin to get home before he left. I'm not sure if he was really waiting around to ask her if she needed help running Josh to swimming, or if he was just waiting around cuz he didn't think I should be alone...either way, it was nice of him.

When Heloise did get back, she was with Zach, and he was asleep. After he opened his eyes we asked him if he'd want to go see "How to Train Your Dragon" with me. He had said earlier this morning that he didn't want to, but I thought he'd change his mind. He didn't. We sat down and watched the trailer together, and he seems to like that, but still doesn't want to see the movie. I think it's because Nathaniel wasn't going. When it got to the end of the preview though, he said "SEE! 3D! I hate 3D!" I said "You hate 3D? Why?" and his answer was, "The glasses always fall off me". I told him that was fine, and that I would just go with Josh. Well when Josh got home, that all changed. He decided he didn't want to go either. That upset me, but there was nothing I could do about it. The boys were talking about how I didn't look upset about my Dad leaving, or teary. I told them there were certain things I kept from them.

I was talking to Toni, and she was going to Chelmsford. Josh and I decided we'd go with her. She picked us up, we got a Starbucks, and walked around some shops. I think Josh ended up tiring Toni out with all his talking. Why do I think this? Because on our way home she asked me how I was still sane. I laughed and told her I had no idea. She dropped us off, and I went into the family room to see what was going on. Zach was watching Pirates of the Caribbean. He asked me if we could watch the Goonies, and I told him that we would after I washed my hair. When I came back down, I heard he was watching Spiderman. I told him it was one of my favourites, but when I walked into the room, I realized he was watching the cartoon. Ew. I told him I thought he had been watching the real version. He told me he'd never seen it, and asked Heloise if the two of us could watch it. She said yes, but then we couldn't find it in their DVD collection. I went and got my computer, and the two of us sat there watching it on my laptop. We watched until dinner. It was a very nice meal, and for dessert, I had a banana. As soon as I finished that, I grabbed all of my things and came up to bed. I was ready in no time, and got under my covers. Now I'm catching up on Idol, and am going to speak to my Mom for a bit before I fall asleep. My eyes will be shutting on their own very soon. Good Night xx

Day 195

Well...I was woken up, as per usual, a couple of different times today. I gave in to the fact that I wasn't going back to sleep, around 8-8:30. UGH. I still wasn't getting out of bed though. I laid here for a minute or two...then decided I'd start getting ready so no one could blame anything on me, if we were late for lunch. I had a great time getting ready. I heard my cousin's downstairs still, and walking around when I was in the shower...Then I was in my room listening to music and having fun doing my makeup. When I made my way downstairs, shortly after...they were all gone. Odd. I know Tom heard me in the shower...yet him nor Heloise said anything about them going out. Nice. Whatever...

I got some breakfast, sat down, and enjoyed some "Glee". I was in a great mood.
Nathaniel, Zach and Tim got home. Nathaniel got me upset right away as he leaned on the doorbell as he normally does, after it had already been rung once. I talked to him about that, and went back to the couch to watch my show. He came in a little while later, and I asked him for a hug. He told me he was a little muddy, but he gave me one anyway. Then Zach wandered in. He came and sat on my lap, upset that Nathaniel would be going to a friend's later, and he wanted to as well. Tim called him after a while, and the 2 of them went to mow the lawn. On the ride on mower.

Not knowing what was going on about lunch, as we were supposed to have plans, I was getting a little frustrated. Everyone else began pouring in, and the chaos started. Here's how my brain works. Calm morning, music, tv, makeup = HAPPY. Loud noises, chaos, disorganization = STRESS! Ugh. I stopped trying to make plans for everyone, sat on the couch, and focused on my computer. My Dad and Uncle walked up to the Pub to see if they'd take 11 people for lunch, and I guess they said yes, because soon after, 8 of us were walking up there, while the other 3 drove. We had a very good meal, and I stayed very quiet as the chaos escalated.

When we got back to the house, we said bye to my Nan and Tom, as they were heading back to Peterborough, and then my Dad and I said bye to everyone else, and went to Braintree. We got our tickets for "Alice and Wonderland", then we went shopping, stopped for a Starbucks *YIPPEE!!!!* Dad's seen him now :p (There was a comment about Starbucks when we got home later...I chose to ignore it, yet it's still spinning round my brain. Ugh!), and did some more shopping. My Dad bought me a really nice Bench hoodie! It could quite possibly be my new favourite. When we finished our shopping, we went back to the theatre. The movie was good, I know I've seen it before, but I still enjoyed it. I nodded off 3 or 4 times, which upset me...but just shows you how tired I am.

When we got back, the two of us came in to talk to Heloise and Tim, and to see if my Aunt and Uncle were still here. They weren't. My Dad and I went for a walk to the pub, as we thought we'd have a drink together. We must have been sitting there at least 10 minutes, had been looked at by the servers, yet had not been served. We got up and left. We walked up the High Street looking for other pubs, but had no luck, and didn't want to walk as far as the bridge. We turned around, and had a cup of green tea at home with some dark chocolate instead.

We spoke to Heloise and Tim, then came up to do some packing, and then I wrote lastnight's blog, had a shower, and am falling asleep writing this one, as I cough, and have a sore throat. My eyes are hurting too...Oh Dear. I'm gonna go. Sad day tomorrow. Good Night xx

Day 194

Yesterday...hmmm...what went on yesterday? Well I can say for sure that there was chaos -That's a daily guarantee -...But let me try to remember how it all began.

I was up and getting the boys ready to leave the house, and my Dad was up as well. Josh did his spellings with him, and I did the rest of the homework task. When we left the house, we were just about to go down the 1st path, when Josh realized he had forgotten his boots. He instantly had tears rolling down his cheeks. I told him not to worry, and said if we checked his bags, and they weren't there, I'd run them to the school as soon as I got back to the house. He couldn't stop crying. I think it's cuz if it had of been anyone else walking with him, he would have gotten in trouble. He didn't want me bringing them later, and asked if we could run back to the house. I'm not sure what the reasoning was, but I was afraid if we went back, we'd be late for school. I told him that, and his tears wouldn't stop. My Dad then said he'd run back and get them. The tears went away, and the 3 of us continued on our way as my Dad went in the opposite direction. We went through the 1st path, and then to Zach's preference, we took the longer route around to the school. We got there with plenty of time to spare, and my Dad showed up, with the boots, before the bell rang. That made one happy Josh.

My Dad and I walked back to the house, and were supposed to be going to Starbucks, but knew we had to wait til the handyman got to the house. We knew we had plans for lunch with my Uncle, Nan, and Aunt, but it wasn't until we got in the door, that I got the phone call saying they were coming between quarter to, and 11. Well...the handyman who was supposed to be there at 9:30, didn't show up until 10:30, so that kind of put a damper on our plans...but we sat down and watched "Lost" so at least we still got alone time together. That episode was crazy as well! It answered so many questions, and I know a couple of people who were right about the show all along. Smart.

It was just after 11 when they pulled in the driveway. My Dad and I went outside, and the 5 of us headed to Colchester. When we got there, we dropped my Aunt at a jewellery repair shop, and then my Uncle brought the rest of us to a pub just down the street from there. We had coffee's, tea's and hot chocolates, and then my Uncle left to pick my Aunt up. When the two of them returned, we ordered lunch. It was a very good meal. When we had all finished, and I was MADE to eat part of a dessert (I wish I was joking, but I'm not)...we left. I was so exhausted (As I seem to be each and every day lately), that I fell asleep in the car. We pulled up to an area I'm not even sure the name of, and I heard my Aunt say I was asleep so I would be staying in the car with her and my Nan. I opened my eyes and explained that I needed some air because I wasn't feeling well. - My Mom thinks I may be allergic to the cat - Not only was I tired, but my throat was hurting.

My Dad, Uncle and I, got out of the car and took a walk. We passed some boats, and while it was breezy, cold, and the grass was so soft, my heels were sinking in...it was lovely. The scenery was just so beautiful, and it was a peaceful place to be. Somewhere I needed to be. After a quick look around, the three of us walked back to the car. We got in, and drove back to Heloise's.

When we arrived, the chaos broke out, and I was not in the best of moods. My Dad and I walked to the Post Office, and he told me I needed to stop stressing so much. Something he's told me a number of times since being here. Guess I stress a lot :p Haha. I know I do, and I wish I could stop...but I can't. Anyway, it was nice again to just be the two of us. On our way back, honking came from behind us. It was my cousin Tom. We arrived at the house at the same time, and he came inside. I began dinner, and made my Dad, my cousin and I White Chocolate Mocha's. Mmmm. When we finished those, we talked a bit more with everyone in the family room, and then it was time for all of the guys, and I to walk up to the school. I wasn't in the best of moods now either...it had to do with stress as well. Nothing was going as planned, and I was about to upset Nathaniel because I couldn't go to his football game. Plus I didn't think Zach would listen to me because number 1 he was having a friend over...and Number 2, his Grandma (My Aunt) was staying over longer.

When we got to the school, I said bye to the guys who were meeting Tim, picking Nathaniel up, and going to watch his Colchester United match. - I really wanted to go. - I stood and waited for Zach and Xavier to come out, and had a conversation with Tina. When the boys came out, the 3 of us headed back to the house. When we got in, I finished preparing dinner, with a little help from my Aunt, and the boys played. Dinner was on the table. While they ate, I sat and talked to them, then got them some fruit and some dessert. They both ate really well. When they finished, we got a glow in the dark dinosaur puzzle out of the cupboard, and began putting it together. They lost interest. Zach would come check up on me every now and then, but for the most part...they hung out in the playroom while I did all the work. Heloise arrived shortly after with Josh, and then Xavier's Dad came to pick him up. While I was standing talking to him, my puzzle was being put together by my Aunt and Nanny. Xavier and his Dad left, and I went to finish the puzzle. Zach came to help. Heloise took Josh to Beavers, and the other guys got home so Nathaniel began helping with the puzzle as well. While the two of them were in the bath, we finished the puzzle, and I made them some hot chocolates. We had dinner, everyone else left, and after that we sat in the family room to watch a movie. We watched the first 5 minutes of "The Day the Earth Stood Still" so that my cousin's could see me in it, and then we turned on "I Love You Man". I think the 3 of us who were really paying attention (You can probably guess which), enjoyed it. Others didn't, but that didn't surprise me.

When that movie finished, my Dad and I spoke to my Mom on Skype...then I stayed up way too late, and regretted it this morning. I'm super tired now, and will regret writing tonight's blog by tomorrow...but I need to do it, so I'll say Good Night on this one xx

Day 193

I think I actually just fell asleep in the shower!...More about that at the end.

Oh my God! I forgot a vital piece of information when writing yesterday's blog. Guess who's back...The Construction guy!!! He said hi to me as we passed the lot. Made me smile. He wasn't there today, but it was also peeing with rain.

Anyway, back to today's events. I woke up exhausted. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I was stuffed up and feeling like crap as well. I got ready and made my way downstairs for the usual routine. It wasn't too long after, that my Dad came down. I'm really going to miss him when I'm on my own again :( He's been so helpful, and I finally have someone on my side! Someone to stick up for me! That, and the simple fact that I have my DAD here, has made me very happy over the last few days.

I got through everyone's homework with them, Zach even did flash cards without complaint! We got all of our stuff on, and headed out the door. I had decided on walking before we headed out, so even after realizing it was drizzling, I told the boys that's what we were doing. There was a little bit of fuss from Nathaniel and Zach, but it wasn't too bad, and we went on our way. Naturally, it began to come down harder.

Again, we were some of the first to arrive at the school. Nathaniel got to go right in because of the rain, but Josh and Zach had to wait for the bell. When we said goodbye to Josh, we waited for Zach's class to go in, and I introduced my Dad to Steve, Michelle, Raffi, and Emilio. Michelle told me that Raffi had been talking all about me at bedtime the other night, to the point where her husband came down and asked her who Maija was. Hehe. Aww I feel so privileged. Someone here loves me :p

As soon as Zach got in his class, my Dad and I headed back to the house. We grabbed the shopping list, and the boys snacks (for after school), and left again. Our first stop was my Uncle's place, to pick up my Nan. We said hi to my Aunt, and we're on the road again shortly after. We took a slight detour to Freeport, - I'd never gone from my Uncle's, and my Dad was looking at a map saying it didn't make as much sense to come back through Kelvedon - and Nan had something to say about how long it took...but we got there eventually, and the 3 of us had a nice afternoon. We shopped around, I stocked up on my white hot chocolate powder for my Mocha's, and we stopped at Starbucks for a break. A few more shops called our names as we made our way out of the center, and the new Bench clothes taunted me from the window, and front displays...but I made it to the car without making a purchase.

We drove back to Tiptree in what was now POURING rain, and I ran into the grocery store to pick up some things for dinner. When we dropped my Nan back at my Uncle's, my Dad and I went in for tea, and a bit of lunch. It was about 2:30 when we left to get the boys.

We parked outside the school, and waited in the car - listening to Fleetwood Mac - while we watched the rain come down harder and harder. When the gatekeeper opened the gates, my Dad and I walked into the office to collect the Disco money, and then 'round to the playground to collect the boys. My Dad ran back to the car to put some stuff away, and then Zach and Nathaniel came out. You should have seen the look on Zach's face! It was the look I get most days, but I wasn't expecting it today, as he'd been so happy around my Dad. Well, he came out of his class with this foul look, stormed over, walked right past...MY DAD! And leaned into me for comfort! OMG!!!!!!!!!!! THE DAY HAS COME!!! Maybe it really is that he doesn't like change, and the new person always gets it the worst. Whatever it is, it was weird, but a nice feeling. Like I wasn't the only one that can cause that face. The 4 of us had to run to the library to weasel our way into the chaos that was a book signing. I was going insane. Although I'm very happy to have my Dad here, today was just one of those days that if anything went wrong, I very well could have ended up in tears. I think it's when I think about him leaving that I get really emotional...so let's not dwell on that for the moment. We tried to join the crowd, and in an orderly fashion, buy some books. It didn't work that way, so we went around the back of the table, grabbed the books we wanted, and then became a part of the swarm while we waited to pay. Once that was over and done with, we had to move along the table to a more organized line, and wait for the author to say hi to the boys, and sign their books. My Dad went to wait for us outside, and when we finished in the gym, we met him near the back field where Josh's soccer team was getting ready to kick off.

We stood and watched him, and Zach and I played a bit of hopscotch towards the end. Josh did really well, and ended up scoring 3 goals. After the game we all jumped in the car, and I drove home to start getting dinner ready. I was in the middle of making hot chocolates for everyone when Heloise got in, so she took over dinner. I was then multi tasking. A number of hot chocolates, while on the phone with my Mom, then a tea, and some chopping of vegetables for a salad. Tim got home, Heloise, him, Zach and Josh left for Josh's play, and after running around like a blue @$$ fly, I finally got to sit down, drink my cold mocha, and enjoy my dinner with my Dad. Ok, so I didn't really enjoy it because Nathaniel was getting on my nerves...but hey ho.

After dinner I folded some laundry, and we tried to persuade Nathaniel to watch the old Alice in Wonderland with us. He said it would scare him, but it didn't end up mattering because I couldn't get the DVD player to work. I found out later that it's because one of the wires is broken. I had spent sooo long trying to figure it out, but oh well. Nathaniel was stuck to the computer, so my Dad and I turned on a game show of sorts called "League of their own". Everyone else got home in the middle of the show, and the boys were put to bed. My Dad and I turned on "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" which he had never seen. He still hasn't seen all of it because well...we're in the wrong household if you want to see and hear a full movie.

As soon as it ended, I came up to get in the shower, and that's when I THINK I fell asleep. I was thinking about plans tomorrow...then all the things I need to do before I forget...and suddenly, eyes closed, I saw each thing like a dream. I totally forgot where I was, and aside from the images, my mind was blank. When I opened my eyes, I tried to figure out if I had been asleep...but I'm still not sure. Although it doesn't seem like there's any other explanation.

Anyway, that tells you just how tired I am, so I'm going to take this opportunity to say Good Night xx Speak to you soon.

Day 192

Oh my God! I've just ate my weight in Indian food. To tell you just how full I am...I can't even think straight. I just typed eated instead of ate! What is that?!?! Anyway, dinner was great. I'd never had Indian before...but I don't think I'll eat for the next month :|

After getting ready today, I somehow managed to get the boys homework over and done with quite quickly. We had time to read "Diary of a Wimpy Kid", and someone must have put a rocket up Zach's bum, because we got to school extremely early! You should have seen him! He was walking so fast, and holding my Dad's hand. Guess he was trying to impress him. We were some of the first to arrive at the school.

Once we dropped the boys, my Dad and I walked home, and then drove to Colchester. We walked around, went to a few stores, and enjoyed a Starbucks together. I took my Dad into one of my favourite stores, and we spent quite a while in there. He got a cornish pasty, and we walked back to the car. I paid for parking, and then we drove to my Aunt and Uncle's. We all sat around and talked for a bit, then had lunch together, and then it was time to come back to Heloise's. We brought Nan with us. Soon after we got here, Heloise - who was on a study day - went with Dad to pick the boys up. I sat on my computer and watched a bit of TV with my Nan. She fell asleep, but I left her show on, and had it turned up wayyyyy too loud anyway.

The boys came home with my Dad and Heloise, and sat here watching TV with the rest of us. Eventually it was time to head out again. Heloise had taken Nathaniel to cubs, and had picked him up, and my Aunt and Uncle had arrived with Nan, to pick up tickets for the school play. My Dad, Josh and I walked up to the school, and the other 3 drove. Tonight was Josh's solo. He did really well. His speaking was clear, and he made a very cute jockey. It was just his singing that you couldn't hear too well. He performs again tomorrow night, and that's when Heloise and Tim will see it.

Josh, my Dad and I walked home, and soon after, came Tim with the Indian food. After too much food...we had dessert. Now I'm sitting here, barely able to move and disgusted with myself. But at least it tasted good.

I can feel my throat getting sore, and I'm probably getting whatever Heloise has (she keeps coughing), so I think I'm going to head to bed. Good Night xx

Day 191

Today was bittersweet. It was another interrupted sleep, as I heard Lily crying at midnight and went to see to her, but it wasn't as bad this morning as I managed to sleep until 8.

When I did get up, I received some bad news. Not in the best of moods, I got ready and went downstairs. My Dad was at my Nan's, so I grabbed a yogurt, and then headed over there. We talked to Nan for a bit, and then my Aunt and Uncle came to collect us for a walk. We stopped at the cemetery and I shed some tears. We then walked up to the grocery store and got a few essentials for dinner. We headed back to my Aunt and Uncle's, picked Nan up along the way, and we all went for coffee at a garden center. We walked around the shops there as well, and then headed back to Yaxley.

When we arrived this time, Nan came in to my Aunt's for a bit and we had some lunch. Nan went home for a sleep, and the rest of us sat around talking and doing crosswords. Dinner was at 5. I spent a good hour or so in the kitchen with my Aunt while she prepared it, and we had a good talk. When it was time for dinner, Nan had come back, and Tom joined us as well. We ate, and had a number of laughs. As soon as we finished eating, it was time to pack the car up. I knew we had to leave, but had been hoping to see a couple of friends. One of them was going to stop over before dinner, but he got stuck at work. :( The other, was next door but one. While my Dad and Nan got settled in the car, I went to see him. I got to have a quick chat, and got a goodbye hug. (I'm not sure when I'll see him again, as he's off to Canada to work for 2 months)...Figures. Sad to say goodbye, I got into the car, and drove back to Essex.

It was nice to be able to drive my Dad and Nan...but at the same time it was nerve racking having my Nan in the front seat with me. She rarely comes for the ride, so I had to make sure my driving was ok in her eyes, so that she'd come again.

When we got back (and we made good time), my Uncle and Aunt were at Heloise's helping to put the boys to bed. We all sat down together watching football after that, and once they took Nan back to their house, I went up for a shower. Now my Dad, Heloise, Tim and I are watching High School Musical 3. I'll go up relatively soon as I'm pretty exhausted. Hopefully tomorrow is a good day. I'm hoping it will be just my Dad and I for a bit, but I'll have to wait and see. And so will you. Good Night xx

Day 190

Another good day today. It started very early with the girls coming in to speak to me at 6...and I'm therefore extremely tired, and will not be making this a long blog. I read part of a story to them, and then my Aunt eventually came to get them so that I could get in the shower. I gave my Dad his birthday present, and then went downstairs to have some tea and fruit. Then we had some more tea round my Nan's. My Dad, Aunt, Uncle and I walked Anna's girls to their grandparents around 9, and stopped at the shop on the way to get them each a pencil. I gave Leila a piggy back, and am in so much pain right now, that I'm thinking it was probably not a good idea at all. :(

Once we dropped them, we headed back towards the shops. My Dad and I had a quick look around one, and then we walked back to Nan's, while my Aunt and Uncle went to visit Anna at the hospital. Then, a little later on, everyone but nan headed to Oakham. My Uncle's parents live there and had some appointments they had to be taken to today. Before my Aunt and Uncle tended to them, we all went for lunch. Then they went off, so my Dad and I walked around the shops there, and sat down for a coffee. We had a good conversation, and after a couple of hours, headed back to the car. We all drove back to my Aunt's, and shortly after getting back, my Dad and I went for dinner. It was amazing! I ate entirely too much, but I really enjoyed it, and it didn't stop me from eating the cheesecake "birthday cake" we picked up at Tescos on the way home. Shortly after we had our share, Charlie came in. Lilly was already in bed, and Leila was just going up. Nan was here watching Coronation Street, but couldn't hear it over our conversation, so Charlie walked her home so she could concentrate on it. Tom came over after boxing, and we started watching "Body of Lies". It seems to be a very good (but gory) movie, but after about an hour, I decided as I was in so much pain, and could hardly keep my eyes open, that I should come write this so that I could get more than 5 and a half hours of sleep tonight. And I fully intend to get it, so Good Night xx

Day 189

Another good day! I had a horrible sleep. My rib was hurting, and I couldn't stop tossing and turning. I woke up at 6:30! On a SUNDAY! Who does that? Blah! Oh well. It meant getting ready and spending a full day with my Dad. So that's exactly what I did. I got ready and went downstairs. We sat around for a bit, and then my Aunt made us a cooked breakfast. Aside from when we were in South Africa, this was the first cooked breakfast I've had since being here! I even forced down beans!!!!!!! I know eh Mom? I just feel wrong saying I don't like things, when people have already put it on your plate. I guess we were brought up properly. But I already knew that :p

After we ate, my Dad and I headed over to my Nan's. We talked to her for a bit, had some tea, and then the two of us walked to the cemetery to visit my Aunt. I'm not sure how many of you reading this, believe in signs. But I DEFINITELY believe I got one today. And considering this is my blog, and my beliefs...I'm going to tell you about it. You see, when I was out with Tina the other day, we talked about a lot. One of the things we spoke about was how I got the nickname Bumblebee, and we also had a long conversation about signs, and ghosts and such. After our conversation, I had been thinking about how, in life, I've had signs from different people who have passed away. One person I never received a sign from though, was my Auntie Cheryl. I tried to think about whether anything had happened right after she passed, and nothing came to my mind, and I know it's something I'd remember. Anyway, it sort of upset me a little bit. Well today, standing there, on the verge of tears in the cemetery...I was looking down at the flowers, and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, flew a bumblebee! It's the first one that I've seen since being in England, and he didn't stick around. He came to the flowers around us, hovered for a few seconds, (not long enough to get a picture), and then buzzed off. That's all I needed. I instantly smiled, and thought there, that was it.

My Dad and I walked out of the gated area and up to the BP to get the paper. As we were leaving, I ran into my friend's brother who I hadn't seen in quite a while. I had a quick convo with him, and then my Dad and I continued back to my Nan's place. We gave her the paper, and headed into town. We had a coffee at Starbucks first, and then the two of us walked around the shops. On our venture, we ran into the same friend's sister, and her boyfriend. I had a quick conversation with her, and had full intentions of seeing them all a little later on. Dad and I left town, headed to the Hampton to get a couple of things, and then drove back.

When we got to my Nan's, my cousin Tom was already there. I grabbed a yogurt, and then we headed to my Auntie Linda's. We sat around until "Sunday Dinner" was ready at 2, and then enjoyed a lovely meal. I had fruit salad for dessert instead of Apple crumble, but I still felt as thought I ate too much in the end. It was delicious though. After our dinner, Nan, my Dad, myself, and Tom headed to his house to watch the Liverpool game. After a disappointing result I'll never hear the end of, the 3 of us headed back to my Aunt's. Tom was coming later. We were going there to wait for my cousin Charlie, and we had plans to go to a pub quiz later on.

When Charlie arrived with his girlfriend (Anna) and her two little girls, we said hi, and then he took one of them around the block while the rest of us sat around talking. Anna wasn't feeling well, and in the end Charlie and my Aunt had to take her to the hospital. I looked after the two girls. They're such cutie pies! It was nice to be able to talk about princesses and things for once :p I read a number of books to them, did some activities in another book, tried to teach them naughts and crosses - but they got a little bored of that too quickly -, played some hide and seek, and watched the beginning of Sleeping Beauty with them on my laptop. Charlie came home and had brought their teddy bears and pyjamas. He had to leave straight away, so I helped them get changed, and we watched 10 more minutes of the movie. My Uncle and I then brought them up to bed. He went downstairs, and I read them another book. The eldest one Leila fell asleep during the book. She's 5. The littlest one Lilly, who's 3, was fighting it. Her eyes kept shutting, but she did not want to sleep at all. I finished the book, and she wanted me to lie with her. The two of them were "tops and tails" , so there was no way I was fitting in the bed as well. Instead, I sat on the floor and rested my head on her pillow. She wasn't letting her eyes win the fight anytime soon, so I eventually started playing with her hair. Well that did it. In probably 10 minutes, she was out like a light. I went downstairs, and it wasn't long after that that Charlie and my Aunt arrived home.

We sat around talking, and my Mom was on Skype with us. Everyone began turning in for the night, so I came to my room to write this. I'll be asleep shortly, and am sure with the little ones here, that tomorrow will be an early start as well. Tomorrow is my dad's birthday, and I can't wait to give him his present. If I do want to be in a good mood, and half awake though, I better get to sleep soon. Good Night xx

Day 188

Finally! Tears of joy!!! They came after various frustrations, but the point is...they came.

My wake up call, was of course, the screaming going on downstairs. I rolled over, feeling like there was no way it was time to get up. My eyes were sore, and I was still exhausted. I just managed to pick up my phone, and squint just enough to see the numbers. 6:30! You've got to be kidding me!! I put my phone back down, noticed how sunny it was outside, smiled about it, and debated going back to sleep. I was EXTREMELY excited about my Dad arriving, and was happy that it was sunny. But I was also sooo tired, and knew I had to drive to Peterborough later. As soon as that thought entered my mind, closing my eyes was justified. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, and started letting different things run through my brain. I soon cut off all thoughts, and fell into a deep sleep. This "deep" sleep however, would only last until the next screaming session which came at 8:30. Fine! I'm up!

I got myself ready. Showered, American Idol, packed, cleaned, breakfast, American Idol, and some music too. I wrapped my Dad's birthday gift up, and had ventured downstairs at certain points as well. On one trip down, I was told the Beast had a flat tire. "That's awesome!" - I thought. Heloise told me she had asked Tim if she should take the car to the garage, and he told her to wait til he got back from Football, and he'd take a look at it. The frustration is what kept me in my room most of the morning.

I had heard from my Uncle when he arrived at the airport to pick my Dad up, and was waiting to hear back when I went down to make a salad. I was sitting there eating it, and watching Josh play with Lego, and the other 2 watch TV, when Heloise came down and said she had been talking to her dad, and I should leave in a minute. My plans of picking up a Starbucks for the 2 of us went out the window. I was supposed to get a 20 minute warning, but oh well. I grabbed all of my things, chugged my juice in the process, and headed out the door. The foot pump was in the trunk in case the tire deflated again. I was told to keep checking it, and to make sure the pressure was always at 32. I set off on my journey.

I got to the Stansted roundabout no problem. This is however, one of the most complicated roundabout's around! Heloise gets confused each time she's on it. I was told to meet them at the Services. Well, I passed a few different services signs, and when I went on the roundabout, I was busy thinking about whether the last one I passed was really the one I wanted. I thought I'd follow the most recent sign that said it, but I turned too early. I took the turn off before, but as I was turning off, I noticed, and it was too late to get out of the lane. The thing that had me overly frustrated was the fact that whether you realized your mistake right away or not, there was nowhere to correct it! I had to drive at least 10 miles before there was a turn off. Luckily I had figured out which way to go to get back before anyone called to see where I was. It wasn't long after I turned around though, that I got a phone call from my Uncle. He wanted to know if everything was ok. I told him I took the wrong turn off, and he asked where I was. Being too worried about the fact that I was speaking on my cell phone while driving, I didn't think about it and told him I wasn't sure how to explain it, but knew I'd be there shortly. We hung up, and soon enough, I was in the right place. I drove around the services once. Then as I came around again, I pulled into the gas station to make a phone call. I asked my Uncle where they were sitting, and once I hung up, I drove towards the parking lot they were waiting in. As I approached them, I was so happy but so frustrated - as I think driving to Heathrow would have been much easier - I saw a spot, and was backing in, nervous because everyone was watching me. I normally do a very good job of reversing into a spot. But this time I had to pull in and out about 3 times. When I finally had the vehicle in park, and had motioned to my Dad to get out of the way so I didn't hit him...I jumped out of the car and gave him a huge hug. I didn't want to let go. It was a bear hug, and I could hardly get any words out as the tears rolled down my cheeks. I was SO happy to be in my Daddy's arms after 4 months of not seeing him! That is far too long. I managed to tell him how much I'd been missing him. Then I had to go into the washroom so that we could head off straight away.

My Uncle had told us part of the Highway we needed, was blocked off and traffic was being diverted. My Dad and I set out, and began by following the diversion signs. It was after sitting in very backed up traffic that we decided we wouldn't go the same way as EVERYONE else, but we'd take a scenic, less congested route. It was nice. I didn't even need music on the drive. I was perfectly content just having my dad there. Whether there was a brief silence, or we were caught up in conversation, it didn't matter. I was happy.

Eventually we got to Peterborough. We drove past the church and the cemetery, and parked at my Nan's. We went in to see my Nan, cousin, Aunt and Uncle, and then we all came to my Aunt and Uncle's place where we had tea, good conversations, fish and chips, and looked at pictures. I was falling asleep very early on, so when my Dad said he was heading to bed, I decided I should too. I washed my hair first, now I'm writing this, speaking to a couple of people, and will be asleep in minutes. Good Night xx

Day 187

Today was SO much better!
I was stressed in the morning cuz all 3 boys had so much homework to do, but it did get better.

I got ready and went down to get things done. We were running a little late, so I decided we'd take the car. When we got outside, I opened the door to the Volvo and saw that Zach's car seat wasn't in there. I hurried everyone out of the car, and told them we had to hoof it down the road. Zach was not having it. He HATES walking to school, so after getting his hopes up, he was not impressed. He was about 10 feet behind, the entire way, and was moaning. When we got to school, I said bye to Josh and Nathaniel, and then explained to Zach that it was not my fault. I told him the only reason we were going to even bring the car was because him and Nathaniel didn't do things as soon as I asked them - I had to ask 4 or 5 times - and the fact that his car seat was not in the car, was not my fault either. I wanted to make sure he understood, and after a while he said he did. I told him when I hurry him a long, it's not that I want to get upset with him, but if he's late for school he'll get in trouble. Eventually the bell rang, and he went into class.

I met up with Tina, and her husband, and the 3 of us walked back to their place. Once she grabbed some things, we headed to Colchester to go shopping. We had such a great day! We went into a few shops and got what we went for, and then went for coffee. We sat down and talked for quite a while, and then went to look around some more. At times, we completely forgot where we were headed, as we got so wrapped up in conversation. It was great. When we finished shopping, we headed back to the car park and drove to Kelvedon. We pulled into the driveway and spoke for another 20 minutes probably. It was really nice. Tina and Toni feel like family, and they are the type of people that you feel comfortable talking to about anything and everything. The type of people you really need around.

I came in the house, and Heloise was here. We talked about what each other had done, and as it was 1:30, I grabbed some lunch. The grocery order came to the door, so the two of us put those away, and then shortly after, it was time to go get Zach, his friend Alex, Josh's friend Edward, and Nathaniel. Heloise went up to get them, and I walked to the co-op to get sausages and ice cream. Again I left the cadbury creme egg ice cream behind. I figured if I had of chosen that one, it would have tempted me entirely too much. Instead, I got the boys phish food (chocolate pieces, caramel, marshmallow, and chocolate ice cream), and vanilla. I walked back to the house, flipped Nathaniel's dinner that was in the aga, and boiled the potatoes. When Heloise got back with them, Nathaniel ate quickly as he had football training, and I got the other boys their snack and juice. Soon after, it was time for me to walk up and get Josh and Ben from their football. When I got there I spoke to a few of the moms, and then Ben came out. He was really lovely and talkative today. Normally he's so rude I can't take it. But today was good. Eventually Josh came out...one of the last ones, as usual, but he came out, I grabbed some of his bags, and we started back to the house. He felt like I was carrying too much though, and took half of it back. He's really come a long way. It's really nice to see. The three of us had a good conversation on the way home, and were laughing when we came through the door. It was on the walk that I thought about how great some days are, and they really do make you forget about the bad. I had such a smile on my face, and I thought about how stressed I was yesterday, then thought...who cares. Today's a new day. There are going to be some bad, but there's also going to be great times like now. It put a smile on my face.

Dinner was pretty much on the table when we got back, so we all sat down and ate, and then I helped clear up. The boys went off to play. All but Alex. He was sitting so close to me, and watching TV. He is one of the cutest, sweetest little boys ever. He was so polite! He said please and thank you for everything, and if you asked him if he liked sausages or baked beans, or Ben 10...he loved it all. He was great. I spoke to my Mom on Skype, and eventually it was time for all of the older boys to head to Cubs. Zach asked if I'd play with him, but I was in the middle of a conversation that I had to have so I couldn't. He got distracted anyway, which was kind of a good thing as I hate saying no to him when he asks me to play. Eventually Nathaniel got home from Football, and the two of them went up to bed.

Tim and I sat and watched the Sport Relief programming until he went to get Josh, and when he got back, Heloise and I went out. A friend of hers was having a craft party, so we went there for a few hours. It was a really nice time as well. There were some really nice ladies that were genuinely interested in what you had to say, and it was just a good way to get out without having to do too much. I was exhausted before getting there, so when we came out at about 11:30, I was ready to drop. We came home, I had a glass of juice and came right up to bed. As excited as I am about my Dad arriving tomorrow...I think I'm still going to be able to sleep like a baby tonight. I'm really looking forward to shutting my eyes. And on that note...Good Night xx

Day 186

What a day! I'm amazed I got through it without crying my eyes out. My goodness!

I did my regular morning duties, and had just under 5 minutes to read to the boys before we headed off to school, but they wanted me to read what I could anyway. Which was nice. We all went out the front door, and as usual, Zach trailed behind, as we made our way down the paths. When we arrived, I asked Nathaniel to stand in line so that I could see him from Zach's class. He got upset with me because "No one in his class was wearing a coat, why did he have to". I explained that everyone in his class was probably a better sicky than him as well, and walked Zach up to his portable. I spoke to Michelle, and then proceeded home.

When I arrived, I didn't have long at all. I sat down, got some directions for where I had to go to get to an appointment I had, and checked some e-mails. Before long, I was out the door, giving myself an hour to find where I had to be. This was where all of the chaos began.

I started driving towards Chelmsford, and when I got to a certain point, I started following signs for the hospital. It was about 10 minutes later when I really began to listen to the little voice that had been screaming "YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY" at me for the last 5 minutes. I decided, even though I was following signs, that I needed to turn around, as I was approaching Springfield, and I knew I wanted to be in Chelmsford. I found somewhere to turn around, and headed back to where I thought I wanted to be. I pulled over and asked someone if he knew where I had to go. He explained to me, but told me I was quite far away. I repeated the directions back to him, and began the pursuit, once again.

I went most of the way, and thought I was close, so when I got to a traffic light, I rolled down my window and asked someone if I was to turn at the next roundabout. She told me which way to go, and then said to follow signs for the hospital. I did as she said, and reached a hospital at 11:30. (My appointment was 11:40). As I drove through the car parks, I noticed that I was most likely, at the wrong hospital. I couldn't believe it! I pulled over and asked someone if it was St. John's Hospital and she told me it wasn't. She then tried to explain how to get there from where we were, but when her husband got out of the car, the two of them decided it was way too complicated. They told me you couldn't drive straight there, you had to go a very roundabout way. They said they'd take me to a certain part, and drew me a map for where they would leave me. I thanked them, and we began our journey. I was super stressed out. I almost got rear ended at one point, and at another, I almost got in an accident at a roundabout. UGH! I followed them a bit further, and at a light, they pulled over. The lady hopped out of the car and told me they would escort me the entire way. I could not believe their kindness. I followed them to a location I NEVER would have found on my own, and when I was saying goodbye and thanking them I offered them the only cash I had. They wouldn't take it and told me not to be so silly. They asked what time I had to be there, and when they realized I was already 10 minutes late, they said goodbye and forewarned me that the parking lot was atrocious. I pulled in, and saw a guy pulling out. I instantly threw on my indicator, hoping no one would steal the spot. The guy pulled out, and I attempted to get in. As I reversed I thought "There's no chance in hell the beast is getting in there" *THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID* - Sorry, it had to be done - and so I pulled out, and luckily found another spot right away. I pulled in, closed the door and went to the meter. It didn't take bills, just coins. GREAT! I walked over to the first couple I saw, and asked if they had change for a 5. They told me they had just used it in the meter. I walked up to the next couple I saw, and asked the same question. Between the two of them, they came up with the money and I gave them my bill. I was so grateful. I went over to the meter. I read it. 3 pounds for 15 minutes to 3 hours. I put in one pound, then the next. I tried the 3rd, and it wouldn't take it. I tried switching the coin, it wouldn't take any of them. "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" I thought. The next thing I heard, while getting very frustrated, was a woman's voice. "Have you already put your money in?" I looked up, and she was speaking to me from her van window. I told her I had, but it wasn't taking the rest. She told me she had a ticket and asked if it was too late. I managed to cancel what I was doing, grabbed my coins and booked it over to her van. I thanked her and told her she had just made my day. I went over to the car, put the ticket on the dash, locked up and went on a search for the building I needed. I approached a woman at the meter and asked if she knew where the building was. Her answer? "No, I know that once you have the baby, it's over there". Too stressed to dwell on the fact that she thought I was pregnant (until later when it went round my head...Am I that fat? Do I look like the type of person that would just sleep around?), I thanked her anyway, and walked up the way I had driven in. I found the building, and went into reception.

When I got to the desk, my eyes filled with tears that I was sure were going to pour out anytime soon, I told the receptionist I was sorry, and I was so late! "Oh...and I was just about to close up" she said. I sort of thought she was kidding, but couldn't be sure. I paused for a minute...looked down at the counter, then back up as there was silence. I said "Really?". She smiled and said no. I was so relieved. She asked my name, and told me my folder was sitting right in front of her and not to worry. She joked around with me a bit, and then told me where the waiting room was. I sat down, and finally let my mind start to relax. It wasn't easy, and my head was pounding, but I took a couple of deep breaths, and eventually the stress drained out of me.

An hour passed, and the waiting room emptied. I was the last person sitting there when the nurse came out and said my name. I stood up and she told me they weren't ready yet, she just wanted to come out and apologize for making me wait so long. What could I say? I had been 10 minutes late myself. I said that was ok, and sat back down. Finally I went in to see the doctor for what must have been 5 minutes. Once I finished with him, I had to get some blood work done. I also had to book another appointment. - Yes, I have to find this place again another day - The receptionist asked me if I was booking another one, and when I said yes, she said "Oh good, we like the nice ones to come back". It was so nice to know that she didn't think I was psycho, and that even through my stress, people could see that I'm not an arrogant person who's always late. She gave me the number in case I can't find it next time, and I explained that I was going to call today, but because I didn't know where I was, or where I was going, I didn't have time to pull over to tell them I was late, and it's illegal to speak on the phone while you drive here. She said that was true, but they would have liked the call because then all of the girls would have had a laugh. Haha. She was awesome. I left the desk, and walked through the hospital, out the door, and to a portable to get my blood test. No one was at the desk there, the seats were filled with people, and you had to take a number, and sit amongst the crowd. I was number 78, and we were only at 60...if that. I told myself as long as I left by 2, I'd be fine to get the boys from school. It was at about 1:30 when they finally called me in. The nurse told me to have a seat, and seeing the bed there, I told her I better lay down. I explained what normally happens to me in this situation, and she was a bit of a muppet. "Well, there's no reason for you to pass out" UM HI! Don't you think if I could help it, I would. It's not exactly the best feeling in the world. I couldn't believe she said it. I laid down and chose to ignore the comment. She did what she had to, and I got up to leave. She told me to sit down for a minute so she could watch me I guess. Knowing there was a room full of patients though, sitting there was the last thing I wanted to do. She took out the tape, and dropped it on the floor. I told her it was ok, I didn't need any, to which she said "It's ok, I have a new one here", and she took more out of the drawer. Awesome. I now had tape across my arm, that I knew was going to have me in pain later. Ugh. I put my sweatshirt on, went outside as quickly as I could, and began the dreaded drive home.

Because I drove around for so long beforehand, I knew that I would have to get gas on the way home. I found my way alright, a few turn arounds, but other than that it was really ok. I was panicking though, because at one point, I looked to see how much gas I had, and it said 25 miles. Ok, I thought, I can get to a gas station by then. Well, I headed towards Colchester (as Kelvedon is in the middle of Chelmsford and there), and the signs said 20 miles. I drove, thinking I'd hit a gas station, but was soon on the highway. Awesome. I had to turn around, as I missed a turn, and the gas was down to 20 miles. Then as I was driving, the gas station I wanted was on the opposite side of the highway, so I had to go almost home to turn around, and that's when the gas meter said ---! It couldn't tell me how much gas I had left! I prayed I would make it to the station, and was literally talking to the car. Luckily, I made it. I then proceeded to pay the equivalent of 85 dollars, for less than half a tank of gas! RIDICULOUS!

By the time I got home, it was 5 to 3. I had yet to have lunch, and had a huge tension headache. I downed some raisins, and grabbed an apple. 5 minutes later, I walked up to get Nathaniel and his friend Cameron. The other 2 were going to friends houses for dinner. I picked them up, and we walked home. When I got back, I made their dinner, and then Heloise came home. After dinner I sat down with a crossword, and then went in to see how they were getting on. They wanted me to play Wii with them. We played Super Mario Bros while Heloise went to get Josh, and Cameron's mom came to pick him up. Soon after Josh got home, the two had to go off to Judo. When Zach got home, the two of us made a Spongebob robot, and he went up to bed. I went up right away, and after speaking to my Mom for a bit, I went to sleep. Now to write today's blog...xx

Day 185

Got up and got ready as usual this morning. I wasn't looking forward to getting out of bed, but once I was up, I was awake. I got ready and came downstairs. While I was getting my breakfast, I did Josh and Nathaniel's spellings with them, and then Nathaniel did his times tables. While Josh was reading to me, Zach and I coloured and drew in his scrapbook. When Josh finished, I took Zach into the kitchen while I made a cup of tea, and we did his flash cards. After that, we had 5 minutes to read some of "Horrid Henry". We all sat around the couch, and I began the story. We didn't get to finish it before we had to head out to school, but I'm sure we will either tonight or tomorrow.

As we headed out, I noticed Josh wasn't carrying his guitar. I unlocked the door, and he went back in for it. We walked up to school, and once again the neighbours tried to walk with us. Now this isn't going to sound very nice, but I don't like it when they walk with us. I've told Brigitta before, that if Zach's friends are around, he doesn't listen to me so we normally speed up when we see them coming. That, and they're always late, so if we do see them...chances are we're later than we want to be. Well, Arthur kept trying to catch up to us, and at the first pathway Zach said Brigitta told them Arthur could walk with us. I was pretty angry. Not at them, at her. I turned to Zach a few seconds later, and told him I thought Arthur should wait for her. I apologized to Arthur and told him I had to look after these 3, and didn't want anything happening to him. He looked at me, and clearly confused, he said ok.

We made it to the crossing, and over to the second path. It was here that Zach asked why weren't taking Arthur. I explained the whole thing about him not listening when his friends are around, and then told him about them always being late. He seemed fine with that, and we continued on our way. Nathaniel and Zach began to run ahead with one of Nathaniel's friends. Because I could see them, and they were going faster than usual, I was fine with that. Eventually we got to the school, and when we were in the playground, it was Nathaniel who wasn't paying attention to me. My patience started to wear thin, and I managed to get him to come over to me. Normally - in a playground in Canada - I wouldn't mind kids going off and playing with their friends. But the whole system here is different, so I prefer when he lines up like he's supposed to, as I can't keep as good of an eye on him as I'd like to from Zach's class. I met up with Michelle, Rafi and Emilio, and once Zach and Xavier had gone in, we left together. I had asked Michelle earlier this morning if she'd want to go for coffee with me, so we were going to drop Rafi at school, and then proceed to Starbucks. We did just that.

Unfortunately Emilio wasn't feeling well, so he was crying, poor little guy. But he fell asleep soon after we arrived, and Michelle and I had a nice talk. My Starbucks guy wasn't there unfortunately, but the girl that made my drink today, did it properly, so that was nice. When we had finished our coffee and teas, Michelle drove me home. She had to stop at her dad's garage to pick up a parcel, but it was on the way.

As we pulled into the driveway of the house, I noticed a single purple crocus. I knew I had to get my camera. I said goodbye to Michelle, came up to my room to get it, and went right back outside. After taking pictures of the single flower, I noticed a group of them across the river. I walked over and there were 2 wasps gathering pollen. I'm really pleased with how some of the pictures turned out, and I'll be posting them on Facebook. On my way back in the house, I stopped at a few different flowers and took some more pictures. I also noticed some lady bugs, so I caught them as well. I came inside, and watched Amazing Race. A little while later, I had my lunch. Then I folded some laundry while watching Lost (Which was crazy by the way!) and now I'm watching American Idol until I have to pick the boys up from school. - My notes on that, will be at the bottom of one of my blogs soon, as per usual. I won't have time to watch the rest of it tonight -

After picking the boys up from school, I drove them home and made Nathaniel's dinner. He ate quickly, and Heloise had arrived in the middle of his meal, but only in time to leave again with Zach. She had to take him to the doctors for his swine flu injection. Josh had asked me on the way home from school if the two of us could go to Starbucks or something while the others were out. So after dropping Nathaniel at Beavers, the two of us went off to Freeport.

When we got there, I knew we had to hurry, cuz I had a feeling SOMETHING would be said when we got home. I parked on the side closest to the Starbucks, and in we went. My Starbucks guy was there :D so I said hi, he smiled and said hi back. We proceeded to the counter. Josh decided what he was having and My Starbucks guy came over to take our order, looked at me, and went "Are you having your London Fog?" I said yes, and he began to make it, then took Josh's order. Josh was talking away, and making it very difficult for me to start the conversation I was attempting to have. He was asking me about marzipan, and as much as I love our conversations, it was very hard to pay attention to what he was saying, as I could feel my face turning 5 shades of red. Finally I just interrupted him (I know, not very nice), and I told the Starbucks guy what I had been thinking about extra work in Vancouver, and my agent and such. He wrote down his name so I could add him to Facebook, and we'll talk more about it there. Josh and I got our drinks, and I - shaking, and still nervous - walked out of the store with him. He asked if we could go to the sports store quickly so that he could show me Rooney's boots. I love the green in them, but the red with it...looks terrible I think. Anyway, after looking there, we headed for the car. I had text Heloise to tell her where the two of us were (in case she was wondering), but hadn't heard back, so I thought we better get a move on.

When we arrived Heloise did have something to say about it being my 2nd trip to Starbucks today. Little did she know the cup in the garbage was actually from yesterday, but me not being able to lie...caused issues, and I therefore kind of got made fun of. Anyway, we sat down to eat, and Heloise went to get Nathaniel from Beavers. When they got back, I got each of the boys some fruit, and then Zach and I went into the playroom to play our dragon game. Eventually he had to go up to bed, so I cleaned up, and came up as well. I had my shower, spoke to Heloise, and now I'm on Skype with my Mom. I'll be asleep soon though. Good Night xx

Day 184

Today was...Easy. I woke up at 7, knowing Heloise was taking to school so I would have time to get ready after they had left. I went down and helped them do homework. Zach asked me if I would read to him when he was finished his. Even when Heloise was downstairs, he came to ME to read! I couldn't believe it, but I was very happy. We've been doing a lot more things together lately. It's nice. Now I've said that though, I've probably jinxed it. I read until they had to leave, and once the door shut, I came up to finish getting ready.

I was on my way to Jazzercise and had just seen Brigitta, when I realized I had forgotten my weights inside. CRAP! I had left later than usual as well. I ran back to the house, grabbed the bag, and ran back out the door locking it behind me. I passed Heloise on the way who told me she'd seen the instructor unloading her vehicle. I wasn't too worried, as I'm ALWAYS the first one there...but I hurried along anyway. I stopped at the bank and got some money out, and went across to the institute. (The hall where Jazzercise is held). I did my class, and was in a bit of pain during some of it, which really upset me, because normally I don't hurt until afterwards...and then I walked home...slowly.

When I got back, I grabbed some fruit, and came up to my room to eat. I checked some e-mails and things, got in the shower, and got ready to go out again. I said bye to Heloise, and drove to Freeport. I had dressed up a bit, and was hoping that I looked nice...but felt pretty uncomfortable and like something about my outfit wasn't right. But I got out of the car and walked into Starbucks anyway. Of course, he wasn't there. I'm thinking though, that it's better that way. Had I of tried to have a conversation with the Starbucks guy, in an outfit I thought I looked nice in, but wasn't completely comfortable in...I would have fumbled over my words. So instead, tomorrow, I'll dress in a nice outfit that I'm confident in. He still won't be there though :p Anyway, I bought my drink and I headed back to the house again.

When I arrived I grabbed all of my scrapbooking stuff, went down to the breakfast table, and turned on Amazing Race. I decided today was the day to start and catch up on it...so as I scrapbooked and ate lunch, then dinner, I watched 4 episodes. I am now just one episode behind. I'll watch it tomorrow. If you're wondering where the boys were the whole time I was watching shows on my laptop...it's Tuesday, so they were picked up from school by my Uncle, and ate dinner at their place. I came upstairs to put some things away, and that's when they came home. When I went back down, I only saw Josh. He talked to me for a minute, and then went up to bed. Toni arrived shortly after, and we came up to my room to start planning a vacation, and make a phone call for other plans we have. When she left, I talked to Heloise for a bit, and then came up to get ready for bed. Now I'm sitting here speaking to my Mom on Skype...and I will be asleep momentarily. Good Night xx

Day 183

It's been a pretty relaxing day really. I got up to do the usual tasks, and took the boys to school. When we arrived, Josh and Nathaniel went to their classrooms, and Zach to his, but I had to stick around after he went in. Today was the book fair, and the children couldn't go unless they were accompanied by an adult. So there I stood with Noah's dad, for what must have been 15 minutes! It was a good thing it was a nice day, I couldn't believe they were making all of the parents wait outside. Eventually they let the children back out of their classes, and Zach and I went to where the books were all set up. As I suspected, Zach picked a Spongebob one. He also picked up Disney's G Force. We paid, and on our way out he told me I could read the Spongebob with him, because he knows how much I love Spongebob. What a cutie.

I walked him back to class, and then because of all the crazy gates around the school being locked, I had to go back into the school to get out. So weird. I walked back to the house, spoke to Monika for quite a bit, and then went up to my room. Once in there, I turned my computer on, did my nails, and watched Desperate Housewives. I went down to get some tea and raisins, then back up to curl my hair and watch the first episode of the new Celebrity Apprentice. I'm pretty excited it's started up again. I stopped doing my hair about halfway through, went down to make some lunch, ate, and then continued. By the time I finished that, Heloise walked in the door. I came downstairs and folded some laundry, then walked up to the post office to mail 3 letters. I realized as I walked in, that I had forgot to put the address on one of them. Oops! I went to the bank, and the co-op to get some soy milk, and then walked back.

When I got to the house, Heloise told me she would pick up the boys today to take them to swimming (she likes to do the school run when she can), and then she'd go back for Josh, as he was never normally done before they got home anyway...so basically I had until 4:20 to myself. I finished making my nails look nice, and did some crosswords. Then I turned a movie on, and when they got home, I paused it and asked Zach if he wanted to read his book. He did. He came and sat with me on the couch, and we read all about Spongebob. We all ate dinner, and when we finished, Zach and I played with his spacemen, knight and dragon in the playroom. He was having so much fun, it was really nice to see. Eventually he was called up to get ready for bed. He asked me if he could come back down to play with me when he was ready. I told him it was up to his mom. About 10 minutes later, he came down in his pyjamas. We played a bit more, and then he had to go up for his book, and bed.

Now I'm sitting here finishing my movie, speaking to some people, and waiting for Glee to come on :D I'M EXCITED! Anyway for now, I'll say Good Night xx

Day 182

OMG I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY JUST KICKED HIM OFF IDOL!!!! *SPOILER ALERT FOR THE END OF MY BLOG*

Everything happens for a reason! and this blog is going to explain that. You see, I was going to go to Starbucks with Josh today. I was up at 8:30 due to a high pitched scream coming from his mouth quite frequently. I watched American Idol (obviously), then got ready, spoke to a friend, and watched Grey's Anatomy. I was alone for a bit so I did my own thing, and was watching Eddie Izzard when everyone got home. - I will get through that whole DVD one of these days. -

Nathaniel and Zach sat with me to watch Madagascar 2, and Zach cuddled up to me. Tim was trying to hook the new speakers up so we had to keep pausing, and eventually Zach didn't want to watch the movie anymore so we switched to Bugs and Daffy. Once he got bored with that, Tim turned on racing, and Josh and I made our lunches. We ate together, and then he had to do his homework. Well, when Josh has to read there's one thing he becomes brilliant at...and that's stalling. He was supposed to be reading to Tim, but the Man U game was on, so he kept stopping to talk about that etc. I was getting upset knowing we didn't have much time to hang out together today. I asked him what his plans were and he hummed and hawed. He told me he had to do his homework and then we could go out. I said that was fine. Well after about an hour of waiting, putting together buildings for some "Hulk" board game, and molding some playdough into tanks and airplanes, only for them to be squashed by the hulk hands in no longer than 5 minute intervals, I decided to ask Josh again, what his plans were, as he was just sitting there, doing nothing. Again he hummed and hawed, and in the end, because he wanted to bake a chocolate cake for dinner tonight, he said he'd leave it for today. When I asked him what he meant, he said we'd go out another time. A little upset, I said that was fine, and I went upstairs to get my coat, keys and purse.

I passed Brigitta, and pulled over to see what she was up to. She was waiting for her sister to get off work. I asked if they had plans, and she said they would be doing something, then asked what I was up to. I told her I was just going for coffee, and she went "Alone???" I said yes, and she asked why I wasn't going with Heloise. I wasn't really sure how to answer that. I told her she was busy, and a car started coming towards us, so I said goodbye, and went on my way. I was driving to Braintree on my own, and all of a sudden felt as though I was about to be in tears. I was listening to my music, and was thinking about how I wanted Josh and I to have some time together, then I started thinking about how it was Mother's Day here, and suddenly, I began to feel very alone. By the time I got to the Freeport carpark, and was walking towards the entrance, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to hold back my tears. I realized a busy shopping square was not the place to come on Mother's Day. There were so many happy families walking around. CRAP!

I walked to Starbucks, opened the door...and there he was. My Starbucks guy was standing there, with a co-worker, giving out coffee samples. He said hi to me, I smiled, said hi back, and walked to the counter to order my drink. When I got to the counter, the girl already knew what I wanted. She typed in, I paid, and by the time I walked over to the bar, it was ready for me. On my way out, my Starbucks guy was standing there alone. I turned to him and asked if he was having a better day today. He told me he was, and then continued into a conversation about the coffee he was sampling, and how people are liking the tumblers, but he didn't think my Venti London Fog would fit into it. - HE KNOWS MY DRINK! - I realize the girl does as well...but she's seen me way more than him...so this made me happy. We got to talking, he asked how I came to know about the London Fog, and then explained that he likes it too. He just decided one day to put vanilla in his earl grey tea, and liked it. He later found out, while visiting the states, that it was an actual drink. We talked some more about snowboarding and New Zealand and such, and then...it turns out, are you ready for this? He's in University right now, with 2 months left, in guess what...FILM! Not only that but he wants to get out of Europe. Once he's done school he wants to travel. He wants to go to New Zealand for a bit cuz he loves it and that's where his sister lives, he wants to go to the States for a year and hopefully work at Disneyworld as his family has a house in Florida, and he wants to go to Canada for a year, (I told him he had to go to Vancouver for film) I'll have to tell him next time that Whistler is great for snowboarding. He was so easy to talk to! And such a nice guy! I was just about to ask him if he had Facebook, when the lady I always talk to sat down next to where we were having our conversation and I wimped out. We ended our conversation, I began to walk away, and he said see you soon :) I no longer felt like crying. I had the biggest smile on my face and was walking around on a hunt for shampoo and hand soap.

You know when you're using a shampoo, but you're not really liking it...so when you run out you think oooh good, I'll try a new one. Then you get a new one, and it's not nearly as good as the crappy one you had before? Well that's what happened to me. Luckily though, I can still think about the events that occurred leading up to buying that shampoo, and smile.

Anyway, after buying the terrible shampoo, I smiled all the way home. When I arrived, I came up to my room to put my things away, and I sat down to begin my blog. Soon after, I heard Zach asking where I was. He then came to my room, and without knocking waltzed in. He came and stood by my bed, where I was sitting, and I lifted him up, and over to sit beside me. He talked to me for a bit, and then said he was leaving but would be back. I assumed he went downstairs, so I went down, and soon heard "Maija...where are you?" I came back up and he decided him and his toy spider, wanted to watch a movie with me. I asked if he'd want to watch Alice in Wonderland, the cartoon. He was very excited. I turned my computer on, and unfortunately Tim was still setting the TV and surround sound up, and had done something to the internet, so I could not get to the movie. We looked at pictures for a bit instead. Then he disappeared again. I went to see what he was doing, and he was helping make dinner, so I came back up to my room and popped a movie in. Not long after, he was at my door again with "The Incredibles" in his hand. He sat next to me, and the two of us watched it until dinner.

When dinner was ready, we joined Heloise, Tim, the other boys, my Aunt and Uncle, and my aunt's sister and her husband in the dining room. We had a delicious dinner, and then I, stupidly, ate dessert. It wasn't even good :( I hope it's nice out tomorrow so that I can go for a walk.

After dinner, we all sat in the family room and were watching Star Trek with the new sound system's bass causing everything to shake. It was AWESOME! Zach was going to get ready for bed, and all of a sudden we heard screaming, and almost crying, but not quite. He does the same sort of scream quite a lot, so I didn't rush. When he didn't stop however, I got to my feet and went to see him, but Tim was already with him, so I stayed out of the way. A little while later, he was still making painful noises, so I went to see what was up, cuz I thought I could hear Tim in a different room now. The poor little guy was sitting under the stairs, with kleenex taped to his toe. I knelt down beside him and he was afraid I was going to touch it, but I was warned by his screeching not to do that. I told him I wouldn't, and told him that if he needed to, he could squeeze my fingers. He thought I meant me squeeze his toe...but I reassured him that I wouldn't be doing that. He tried squeezing my fingers, but it wasn't taking his mind off the pain. I asked if he wanted to be carried to the couch, and after the second time, he decided that yes, that would be a good idea. I placed him down, and when I got up to grab my tea, he called for me. I felt so needed, so wanted, it was awesome! Especially when Heloise was sitting on the couch opposite. Who knew I'd be the one he'd be calling for?! Anyway, I sat with him for a bit, and then my Mom called, so I told him I'd be back. I went upstairs to speak to her, and when I was finished, all of the boys had gone to bed, and when all of the adults came down, they all tried to get into Star Trek, but had missed so much it was crazy. Anyway, we watched, and I passed up chocolate! Maybe there is hope for my will power still! I came upstairs before they left, so that I could wash my hair...now it's a few hours later, I really should be asleep as tomorrow's going to come way too early...but I'm honestly not that tired. I think tomorrow's going to be a bit of a pamper me day though thank goodness. Once the boys are at school, if it's not a nice day i'll relax, if it is, I'll go for a walk, and then relax. That's it for tonight, but just to sum things up...had I of gone to Starbucks with Josh, there is no way I would have been able to have a civil conversation with that guy, so that's why he decided not to come. When I pulled over and asked Brigitta what she was up to...if she wasn't waiting for her sister, and she then came with me, or if the two of them didn't have plans, and both came...I most likely wouldn't have started the conversation with him. And had Toni of been able to meet me there, like I had text and asked, I would have been to embarassed to say anything to him. So there you have it. While I was feeling very alone, and was on the verge of tears...it was all so that I could speak to someone who would put a smile on my face. Everything happens for a reason. Now, I will say Good Night xx
If you haven't watched American Idol yet, do not keep reading. If you have, prepare to read about my major disappointment.











ALEX LAMBERT IS GONE! WTF WAS AMERICA THINKING?? AND LILY SCOTT???? This is bull! If There weren't 3 other amazing people up there, I would stop watching. I now predict - if America doesn't screw anything else up - the Top 3 will be Lee Dewyze, Casey James and Crystal Bauersocks.

Day 181

Was awoken by a text this morning at 9:30. Ugh. Thought I'd be able to go back to sleep but after a trip to the washroom, and someone hearing I was up...there was a knock at my door almost instantly. I hadn't put my clothes away from yesterday yet, and knew it was one of the kids, so I just barely opened the door. It was Josh. He was excited about going to Canada, and was talking about how Tara's going to try and come up (I have no idea how he knew about that, cuz I hadn't told anyone else). Maybe he overheard the conversation lastnight...I'm not sure. Anyway, he was excited and I still wasn't wide awake, so I just stood in the doorway listening to him. I was still holding my excitement back, because I'm not sure anyone here would understand just how excited I am. Eventually he went "Ok, bye"...and went downstairs.

Well, I was up...so I turned my computer on. Expecting to speak to some people on Skype, I jumped in the shower, got dressed and did my makeup. I did get to speak to some people, but not everyone I had expected to. It was nice to say good morning to my parents though, and I spoke to a friend in BC on MSN.

I decided it was time to get some breakfast so I went down and cut up some fruit. Heloise was the only one home, and was getting a delivery when I walked into the kitchen. - We got a new TV and sound system!!! - When the men were gone, she came in and we talked for a bit. She told me how Zach was happy that I laid with him last night. It was so nice to hear that I do do some things right in his books :D The boys had come home, and because I had left someone waiting online, I came upstairs to finish breakfast. They were gone, but I spoke to others. Eventually I decided, as I was going out later, that I should spend some time with everyone downstairs. I picked up my crossword book and headed down to watch the Scooby Doo movie with the boys. Zach sat very close to me, and at the scary parts put his head on my shoulder, cuddling me from behind. What a cutie. It's so nice to feel needed sometimes. I came upstairs to get ready to go out, and once I was done I sat at the breakfast table with them while they ate lunch and I had a yogurt. We had some silly conversations, and then I grabbed my stuff and headed out. I was going skating with a friend. I took the car seats out, and went on my way.

I drove past Rebecca's street the first time, but realized my mistake before getting too far, and I turned back around. I got to her place early and waited outside so that I could hear a Robbie Williams song. They had just done a contest on the radio to win tickets to his show on Thursday, and stupid me, didn't call in. It's a roll the dice contest, so if you're the caller, the announcer rolls the die, and depending on what number it lands on, your question's either easy -1- or difficult -5- if it lands on 6 you automatically win the tickets. Well, I thought seeing as Canada doesn't hear much about Robbie, there was no point in me calling cuz I probably wouldn't know the answer to any questions. So I'm sitting there listening, and this girl gets through and rolls a 4. A question that's supposed to be pretty difficult. They ask what venue Robbie has played at before, and gave her some choices. I KNEW THE ANSWER! I couldn't believe it. I knew he had played at Nebworth, and I didn't even try to get through. I was angry at myself. Anyway, that's not the question that would have popped up had I of gotten through...but I was still wishing it was me on the phone. I text Rebecca, and she invited me in. She got ready, and we then took her car to the rink.

On the way we stopped at the McDonalds drive thru so she could get some lunch. Now HERE is what I don't understand. What is the point in a drive thru in England? NOBODY drinks and eats while driving here. After we got her food, she pulled into the parking lot and ate there. I thought it was weird, but when I looked around, I noticed that each car around us, had people doing the exact same thing. Where is the convenience in that? You might as well go in for your food. Anyway...I don't get it. She finished eating, and we drove over to the skating rink where we waited in line for about half an hour to get in.

Once we were in and had our skates on, we went around maybe 6 times. By then Rebecca had fallen a number of times and was bruised enough to call it quits for the day. It was her first attempt, and I think she did quite well. She also ripped a fake nail off on one of her falls. That would have been painful. She told me to go around a few times while she sat on the side watching. So I did. Only 3 times though. I didn't want to leave her sitting there bored, on her own. Plus the place was heaving with people. It was hard enough dodging the kids and the people that didn't know how to skate, for someone that did, let alone a first timer. We took our skates off and headed to a couple of stores as Rebecca had a few things to pick up. She then drove us back to her house, and I drove home to wait for my Dad's call.

I pulled into the driveway, and with one car sitting there, I wasn't sure what I was walking into. I unlocked the door, and pushed it open to peace and quiet! OH MY GOODNESS, what was I going to do with myself? I grabbed a movie, my laptop, some raisins, a mocha, and a yogurt, and sat down to enjoy some Eddie Izzard. I got to say hi to Tara online, and then the 2 people I had expected to speak to earlier. It was nice. I was on the phone with my Dad, and had just heard back from Toni - through text - her telling me to enjoy the peace, when it all ended. Tim, Heloise, and the boys were home. Josh came over to talk to me, realized I was on the phone and just gave me a hug. Tim came in and asked if he could turn the rugby on. I nodded, and he turned it on full volume. I came upstairs so that I could hear my Dad speak. I then spoke to my Mom for a bit, and once we hung up, I went downstairs to join the chaos.

We watched a bit of "Babe", I made a pizza for dinner, and the middle fell through, so I stuck some lettuce in it. I ate while Josh and Nathaniel played Wii, fought, and got sent to bed early. Zach helped Heloise make some fairy cakes for soccer tomorrow, and Tim...I'm not sure what he was doing...I guess he was on the phone at this point. When Zach went up to bed, Heloise and I sat down to watch a movie, and Tim started setting up the sound system. This meant drilling holes in the walls, making it very difficult to hear the movie. Luckily I'd seen it twice before, but I feel as though Heloise didn't get to enjoy it to it's fullest. Anyway, the movie finished, and exhausted, I came upstairs only to find out it was only 10:30. My Goodness! This isn't like me at all. Now I'm listening to some music, and am going to hop in the shower before crashing for the night. Tomorrow's a day of catching up on American Idol and hopefully Grey's Anatomy while everyone's at soccer and rugby. So until tomorrow night...Good Night xx